The box just fit in her palm. It was thin and square, wrapped in simple brown paper. She held it to her ear and shook it. Nothing rattled inside.
“Oh go on, open it,” Fianna said.
Caitriona tore off the paper and sucked in a breath. The purple velvet was faded and thinning around the edges. But it was soft as butterfly wings against her skin. She looked at her mom, whose auburn curls sagged from where she’d swept them into a high ponytail. The sprinkling of freckles across her nose and chunky cheekbones were subtler than Caitriona’s, and her eyes were a lighter emerald, the tears gathering in the corners turning them into shards of sea glass. “But don’t you want it? To remember him?”
Fianna tucked a stray curl behind Caitriona’s ear. “I have all I need to remember him. And besides, it’s been passed down through his family for generations. It’s tradition.” Her mom’s hand fell away and Caitriona dropped her gaze back to the box. The backs of her own eyes prickled with emotion. “I used to catch you with it whenever he left it lying around. You would cup it in your hands and hold it to your ear, and then strut around the house like it was telling you where to go.”
The corner of Caitriona’s mouth twitched. “He told me it was a compass, and that if I listened close enough, it would guide me through life.”
“He’d always been so excited to give it to you when…well…” Fianna’s voice broke and she had to clear her throat to finish the sentence, “you know. When it was time.”
Caitriona threw her arms around her mom. She clutched the box in her hand and squeezed her eyes shut to prevent the tears from spilling out. “Thank you,” she said quietly, her voice hoarse.
“Alright, that’s enough of that.” Fianna straightened up, sniffing. “Today’s a happy day. I’m going to go finish setting up outside.” She wiped her face with a tissue and headed into the backyard.
Caitriona sunk onto a barstool and set the box on the counter, sweeping her fingers across the velvet. The ticking of the clock in the living room skipped every fifth second. Despite the flaw, the clock kept time perfectly and though it had always been that way, she’d never adjusted to the strange pattern of passing time. How many ticks had been lost since she’d last thought about the trinket inside the small box?
She flipped the lid up and a folded piece of paper tumbled out, along with the scent of tobacco and old books. Her hand shook as she caught it and her heart leaped into her throat. She read her name, written in her father’s quick scrawl across the front and her vision flooded with memories.
She sat on her father’s lap, her hair clinging to the last of those vibrant orange baby curls. The wool of his sweater felt scratchy against her cheek. Her miniature fingers turned the funny coin over, examining it from all angles, the metal winking in the afternoon sunlight.
Years later, the paper and ink were perfectly preserved. He could have written the note yesterday. It crinkled as she unfolded it, the crease stubborn from its time spent waiting.
For your big adventure.
An iron fist squeezed her heart. Another reminder of the scarce amount of time left. That adventure would change her life forever, and it grew closer with every dwindling day. Every fifth tick. But moments still stretched between now and then. Moments full of possibilities for memories. She’d be damned if the looming dark cloud would ruin her last summer.
She let the paper fall back on itself and tucked it into the underside of the lid. The small metal token resting inside stared out at her. It sat in a groove of the velvet interior and she used a fingernail to dig it out.
Roughly the size of a nickel, the burnished surface was worn, the edges thin and uneven. Any trace of the minting process long smoothed away. The metal was cool to the touch and some spots were rubbed to a shine. But the runes etched into the face were still visible. It fit easily into her grown palm and, despite its size, weighed heavily in her hand.
She slipped the medallion into the pocket of her jeans and escaped outside to help her mom finish setting up for her party.
Caitriona ducked away from the third group of parents that waylaid her trek to Georgia. Her mom crossed her path long enough to comment on the good turnout.
“Maybe we won’t have leftovers after all.” Fianna gave a thumbs up and pushed back into the crowd.
The backyard wasn’t huge. They had a porch with patio furniture and a firepit sat in the back corner. A badminton net fit across the lawn and got used maybe once a year. Though it had been taken down during preparations for the party and replaced with folding tables leaden with food. Clusters of crimson, black, and white balloons tugged at the strings anchoring them to the posts of their picket fence. A ‘Class of ‘09’ banner stretched between two small oak trees and shivered in the breeze.
They were at max capacity, but luckily the crowd constantly shifted with people coming and going. Some stayed long enough to give the mandatory congratulations and eat a plate of food. Others stuck around to stand with their friends and talk, enjoying the San Francisco spring sunshine.
Copies of the same conversations echoed around the yard. Parents asked the graduates what school they were attending in the fall and what classes they planned to take, while their kids whispered about extracurriculars unrelated to their academic studies. Caitriona choked out her practiced answer again and again. “No, I haven’t decided where I’m going yet.” The lump in her throat growing larger each time.
Moments like this, she considered giving it all up. It felt selfish to deny Georgia the memories they could make at college together; sharing a dorm, new experiences with boys, and going to parties. Of course, it wasn’t entirely selfless. She wanted those memories for herself as well. They were realistic and tangible possibilities. Unlike the path of unknowns she felt herself careening towards.
As each milestone had passed it grew increasingly difficult to ignore the pain of her future. She’d always pushed it away, focusing ahead to something still blocking off their moment of separation. But the sands had trickled through the hourglass. Senior year had zipped by, they’d graduated, and now they faced their last summer together.
Standing amidst her graduation party, she felt as if she’d been thrust through a time warp. How had it all come so quickly?
Determined to not get sidetracked again, Caitriona kept her eyes locked on the cotton candy pink of Georgia’s sundress. She wasn’t the only one doing so and she nudged a sophomore, now junior, as she squeezed passed. He turned as pink as the dress he’d been ogling. She rolled her eyes. Georgia’s curves got enough attention on their own. The clothing she tortured herself into was unnecessary, showing far too much of her smooth, sepia-colored skin. Her current choice was a little too tight, a little too low cut, and much too short.
Caitriona adjusted a gold cuff wrapped around one of Georgia’s thickly twisted locks as she successfully reached her friend. The glittering of these, accented by the clink of the bangles around her wrists, gave her the effect of a wind chime.
“Can you guys believe we’re actually high school graduates now?” A slender blond bent to examine a photo displayed on one of the half-dozen poster boards set about the yard. Caitriona’s smile faltered. She’d been so focused on Georgia, she’d not noticed the group she was standing with. “Oh my gosh. It’s so crazy how dark my hair used to be.” The blond tapped a manicured nail to a spot on Caitriona’s kindergarten class photo. A girl with mousy-brown hair stood next to an orb of vibrant orange. If Caitriona hadn’t been that frizzy red-headed speck, she’d never have guessed her timid kindergarten classmate had grown into the bleached, tanned, and overly-polished young woman standing before her.
Lauren turned and straightened, tossing her glossy tresses so they shimmered in the sunlight. She greeted Caitriona’s arrival by adding, “And how many freckles you used to have, Catie.”
Caitriona suppressed a wince at the use of the old nickname. She didn’t want to give Lauren the satisfaction. She also bit back the remark about her freckles changing naturally, rather than a standing six-week appointment with a stylist. Barely. Instead, she twitched the corners of her mouth into a lukewarm smile.
“Oh my god. Look at Wyatt,” Melissa stamped a fingerprint on the boy with overly large glasses. “How is it possible he’s gotten dorkier?”
“I don’t know. He’s kind of cute now.” Ashley glanced at a cluster of fathers standing a ways off.
A flop of unruly brown hair stuck above the surrounding, mostly balding, domes. Wyatt said something about Berkeley and one of the fathers gave a hearty, “Oho!” before cuffing him on the shoulder. He stumbled under the congratulations and straightened his glasses. He’d long grown out of the awkward frames from their elementary days, but his astigmatism still warranted very thick lenses that enlarged his eyes. Mixed with his rounded cheekbones, he looked like a puppy that had grown too big too quickly. He could have easily used that to his advantage to gain popularity with their classmates. If he wasn’t such an arrogant ass. And one of Caitriona’s best friends.
Ashley saw the smirk mirrored on Lauren and Melissa’s faces and added, “In that geeky kind of way.”
“So where did you guys decide on going for school?” Caitriona jumped in, sidelining the whole conversation. Despite her desire to tell them to fuck right off. The heat radiating from Georgia could set off a hydrogen explosion and she preferred to make it through the party without any scorched guests. Unlike her sweet sixteen birthday party.
High school had been a war that she survived because of her two friends. She’d hunkered down, sheltering from the drama bombs exploding around them. They only poked their heads out to socialize when they were certain they wouldn’t be blown off. But Georgia was trigger happy and she delighted in returning fire. Especially when it came to defending Wyatt.
Ashley rambled about deciding between staying home to go to college, or moving away, but Caitriona’s attention shifted to the arrival of a woman she didn’t recognize. The hairs on her arms and neck prickled. Surely she hadn’t chosen today to come?
The woman scanned the crowd. Caitriona didn’t know if she wanted to hide behind Georgia or rush to meet her. They’d been expecting someone to arrive any day, but the middle of her party was the least convenient moment. Fianna appeared and greeted the woman. They exchanged a few words, Fianna gesturing around the yard. The woman checked her watch, and after giving a nod, followed Fianna through the backslider and into the shadows of the house.
“Cat, did you hear me?” Georgia tugged on Caitriona’s arm.
“Huh?” Caitriona didn’t take her eyes from the doorway. Should she go inside?
“I said, Lauren is going to State too.”
Caitriona frowned. She’d lost all track of the conversation.
“We’re going to see if we can be roommates.”
Fianna emerged. She caught Caitriona’s eye and mouthed, “Later,” before moving off to join the bakery employees clustered together in a corner. Caitriona chewed her lip. She had no issues abandoning her party to go talk to the stranger, but that conversation would be the first step towards her future. Was she ready to face it now?
She shouldered the resolve that had been her constant companion for five years. She pushed aside the distraction, tucking away her racing thoughts for later, and returned to her friend. She rewound what Georgia had told her and immediately wished she hadn’t.
“Wait, what?”
Empty cups and dirty plates sat on tables, chairs, and the railing around the patio. Any of the food that remained was heavily picked over and pointless to try and salvage. Caitriona stood with Georgia and Wyatt, surveying the cleanup job, large black trash bags in hand.
“Thank you, guys.” Fianna returned after ushering the last of the parents out. “But you two can head home. I’ll worry about the mess later. Caitriona and I…need to talk.”
Georgia and Wyatt raised their eyebrows, but they weren’t about to argue with someone dismissing them from cleanup duty. They quickly set their trash bags down and Georgia hugged Caitriona.
“Call me later?” she said into Caitriona’s ear.
Caitriona nodded and Georgia followed Wyatt out the back gate.
“You ready?” Fianna put an arm around Caitriona’s shoulders and squeezed.
Caitriona couldn’t feel her legs and worried she wouldn’t make it into the house. “Yes?”
In the living room, the woman sat in one of the armchairs. Her hair was swept into a stylish ponytail. A simple cotton t-shirt was paired with a gray, linen skirt. She wore no jewelry or makeup. An empty paper plate and plastic cup sat on the coffee table. She stood and smoothed out her skirt as Caitriona and Fianna came into the room.
A warm smile preceded her greeting. “My goodness. Caitriona, you have grown into a beautiful young woman.” The woman’s South African accent made the ‘into’ sound like ‘eento.’ She held out her hand toward Caitriona. “I’m Viera. It is so wonderful to see you again.”
“Oh.” Caitriona accepted the handshake, baffled. They’d met before?
“Congratulations on graduating.” Viera sat back down.
Caitriona opened her mouth to say thank you, but her throat had gone dry. All she managed was a croak. Fianna nudged her over to the couch.
Viera’s smile turned sad. “I was sorry to hear of Patrick’s passing. We’re all terribly sorry for your loss.”
Caitriona’s eyes reacted without hesitation and stung as the tears formed.
Fianna put a hand on Caitriona’s knee. “Thank you.”
Viera swiveled her wrist to read her watch. She placed her opposite hand over the face as if to prevent herself from further glances. “I’m very sorry to rush, but we are a bit short on time. I’ll keep my part brief to hopefully allow you a moment to ask a few questions.
“I will be your counselor this coming fall. If you need help with anything, please don’t hesitate. My door is always open. Orientation weekend is in September. This,” Viera reached into a leather bag at her feet. She produced a large envelope and set it on the table between them, “is your orientation portfolio. All the details you need will be in there.”
Caitriona stared at the thick packet. She felt dizzy. When had she stopped breathing?
“Are you getting excited for your coming year?” Viera asked.
Caitriona swallowed and took a breath. Was excited the right word? “Yeah, I guess.”
Silence.
She tore her eyes from the envelope to look at Viera. The same patient smile was on her face. She’d probably done this a thousand times. How had the others reacted when she visited them? “I’m just a little nervous.”
“Perfectly natural, of course.” Viera nodded. “Did you have any questions for me? I have time to answer one or two.”
One or two of the millions she’d had a lifetime to come up with. Where to begin?
Fianna sat up straighter. “I have one, actually. I was wondering if we’d be able to talk to each other at all?”
“Oh yes!” Viera’s face lit up. “Caitriona will have access to a new phone. You’ll be able to call each other just like a normal cell phone. You’ll even be able to send text messages. Its relatively new technology for us, quite ingenious.”
“And she’ll be able to come home for holidays?” Fianna asked.
“Certainly. We break for a few weeks in December and January, and many students take the opportunity to return home.”
Caitriona felt a knot inside loosen. She’d be home for the holidays.
“While at ELA, your time and responsibilities are your own,” Viera continued, turning her attention back to Caitriona. “You are free to come and go when you have need. I know schools here are quite strict about their attendance policies, but we prefer to let our students make their own rational decisions. I will warn you, however. Time will be your most valuable asset.”
Caitriona thought about the possibility of visiting Georgia and Wyatt at their dorms and she was so distracted, she almost missed Viera’s next words.
“You won’t be successful at unlocking your abilities if you aren’t putting in the time and the effort.”
Her stomach lurched into her throat as the floor dropped out from her internal happy dance. Her abilities?
“Now, I’m very sorry, but I do need to be going.” Viera grabbed her bag and stood up. “Thank you, Fianna, for allowing me once again into your home.” Fianna scrambled to her feet and shook Viera’s hand. “I look forward to seeing you at ELA, Caitriona. And,” Viera readjusted her bag on her shoulder, “I’m sorry again, for your father. It was a tragedy for us all. And unfortunate that he never completed his discovery. It may have been a benefit to you. Though you shouldn’t worry, it certainly won’t be an impediment.” Realizing she was rambling, she cleared her throat and with a final goodbye showed herself out. The click of the front door latch sounded like a gunshot in the silence that followed. Fianna remained standing. Her whole body tensed.
Caitriona’s mind pulsed. A single word blocked her thoughts like a cork in a bottle. Abilities.
“Mom,” Caitriona’s mouth felt so dry it was difficult to get the words out, “what did she mean?”
“Hmm?” Fianna lowered onto the couch. Her spine was ramrod straight and she stared at the spot Viera had stood moments before.
“What abilities?”
“Abilities?” Fianna frowned and her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Caitriona turned wide eyes on her mother. “What do I mean?” She got to her feet. The tension inside her snapped like a rubber band and she felt a wave of emotions crash through her. “What do you mean what do I mean?”
“You…but…” Fianna fumbled for the words. “I assumed it was obvious.”
Caitriona’s mouth fell open.
“Don’t you remember his stories?”
Caitriona threw up her arms and started pacing. “Of course I remember the stories. But you never said anything about me being…having…ugh.” The cork shot out, causing a rush of questions that tumbled over each other, one pushing another aside to force its way to the forefront.
The bookshelves in their living room sagged under the weight of her father’s publications. Novels, short stories, collections of poetry. Each stamped with one award or another. But one thing missing from the displays were the stories he’d told Caitriona every night before bed. Thrilling tales about a girl living on a magical island. They’d been her very own fairy tales. Right up to her thirteenth birthday, when Fianna explained that not only did that magical place exist, but she would also live there one day. Her mother never said that the magic of the people was real too. And she’d never felt anything magical in herself.
“I just thought you knew,” Fianna watched her daughter pace with concern.
“How much of it all is true?” She repeated the question she’d asked her mom a million times. But it had always been about the place. Now it was about so much more.
“You know I don’t know, Catriona. I’m sorry, I wish I had those answers for you. I’ve told you everything I can.”
Caitriona took a deep breath and slumped onto an ottoman. How had her brain just entirely skipped the part about her being able to do magic?
“Wait,” she sat up straight, “Dad didn’t have abilities.” And what had Viera said? He hadn’t made some kind of discovery. Had she meant he’d never had them, or never managed to, what? Produce them, develop them?
Fianna flicked something invisible off her pant leg and didn’t meet Caitriona’s gaze.
Caitriona perched on the edge of the ottoman. “Could Dad do magic?”
Splotches of red bloomed on Fianna’s neck. “No, not technically.”
Caitriona waited. When no further explanation came, she crossed her arms.
“He never found out what his were.” Fianna fiddled with the corner of the throw blanket, twisting a tassel round and round her finger. “He left school before he knew.”
Caitriona felt her world tilt as she took in this new information. He’d left school.
But why did he leave? When did he leave? Why didn’t he go back? If he had magic going into school, why did it go away? Frustration built up in her chest and she balled her hands into fists on her knees. How did her mother not know these things? Caitriona had asked her hundreds of questions through the years, but she never had any answers. How had Fianna not cared to ask her father when he’d been alive?
Something felt wrong about it all. There were too many gaps. Too many shadows surrounding what she knew. And these new revelations hadn’t cleared any away. They only added more.
She stood. “I think I’m going to go to Georgia’s if that’s okay.” She said this more as a statement than a question.
Fianna picked the envelope off the table. “Of course. Take this. Maybe it will help.”
Caitriona took it without pausing as she crossed the room. In the doorway, she stopped but didn’t turn around. “You always said that Dad wanted this for me. But then,” Caitriona closed her eyes, “why did he leave?”
But there was no answer.